Quack Attack!

Aiden Gamble

Should humans cross over into the realms of nature?

According to the final English TAKS, the natural world holds creatures that are too naive to comprehend the horrors of modern civilization.

“I mean, in order to prove a point, we’ve got to eat duck eggs, ” junior Spencer Holyoak.  “Eat duck eggs and yell at bears for breaking protocol whenever we make noise when they’re around.”

Humanity is too dangerous for nature to be around.  Humans have wild animals cats, dogs, even goldfish– that could decimate the native duck population.

“We eat ducks,” Holyoak said.  “Our dogs attack them like we attack bags of colored goldfish in our lunches each day. We’d be condemning ourselves to a torturous existence if we let our poodles run wild in our backyards and attack birds. We need to take a stand against this cruelty.”

All torture quacks aside, nature cannot simply break the restrictions that humanity has placed upon them.

“Bears can’t come at me,” junior Daniel Cartwright said. “Even if I yell at them, they can’t just come at me bro.”

As dangerous as humanity is,wildlife doesn’t seem to understand the risks that come from living next door to a community playground or behind campus.

“We can’t just let nature run wild and free in the area,” Cartwright said. “If we did that, then they might get hurt from all the Capri-Sun straws kids litter around on playgrounds after snack time.”

Luckily, there are two Twitter pages dedicated to help fight for this cause. TAKSDUCK and TAKSGRIZZLY are out repping the pain that humanity can bring  to their kind.

“I totally support Duck,” freshman Keira Bruitton said. “I mean, I’m not a junior yet so I didn’t have to read the horrible thing, but still- who couldn’t support Duck? She’s now a grieving mother!”

Running around on a estimate of appromately 9,000 followers via Twitter Duck and Grizzly are out to make a growling spash out of the final TAKS test. Though both refused to be interviewed personally, according to their accounts they both just want to live out their lives without the meddling humans.

“This sort of stuff makes me want to take TAKS again.” sophomore Megan Guy said. “I don’t want to take EOCs to begin with, but now I can’t support the NATURE cause  because I haven’t read the stories.”

Though many underclassmen want to be a part of the cause, due to TAKS only being a junior test, many juniors refuse to allow the  ‘youngins’ to participate in the cause, stating it to be a juniors only thing.

“It’s our laughs and our test,” Holyoak said. ” You can’t love the Duck if you don’t know the Duck. You can’t rep the Grizzly if you don’t know the Grizzly. It’s just a junior thing.”